How to make a passing infatuation develop into mature love and long relationships
Still no one managed to escape the first love ...Passionate and uncompromising, the one who loses his mind, does not forgive mistakes, and which is ready to kill for the mere thought that there is no swan fidelity. Still no one managed to escape immature love! But if the first love, such inexperienced and so "green" is the destiny of everyone, can we say that with age, experience and a pood of eaten salt, each pair is doomed to mature love? On wise love, which does not put forward conditions, does not hold, is not jealous and knows how to forgive? No you can not! If this were so, then the word "divorce" would disappear from the dictionaries, the courts would be ruined because of the absence of divorce proceedings, and the Earth would become a paradise. Why does not every love grow up with the relationship? How to learn immature love? How to give her a chance to mature and grow into a love that will never go away, because no one protects her with a cage of conventions and cuts off the wings of freedom?
"Little" adults fall in love
"Fall in love" - we say, and we go into the pool withhead. "To fall in love," the English say, and fall into love. Recklessly, uncontrollably, as if truth, shine into the abyss upside down. However, no matter how this word does not sound in different languages of the world, anywhere in the world the "jump in love" is made in a youth carelessly, like giving a bribe to the Guardian Angel and agreed that if the abyss has a bottom, then he will surely catch and not give to break up. But angels do not take bribes, and we, hoping for God, create insurance for ourselves out of illusions, and at the same time we shift responsibility to it. Fall in love is the prerogative of youth, which, in order to gain experience, you need to fill more cones.
Adult mature individuals do not go anywhere and do notfail. They enter into love, and do not flirt with love. For them, love, if falling, then falling up, because true love raises, raises and allows you to grow. It inspires and gives that sense of freedom that you will never feel, being independent of the relationship. Mature feelings do not destroy each other's freedom, but unite, without depriving them of their own integrity. Truly loving do not elevate love to the absolute, because they recognize their imperfection. They grow up together with their feelings: they learn to love without the right to possess, not demanding worship, and not insisting on reciprocity. They respect themselves, but even more respect for the feeling that from too strong a hug can suffocate, because they are ready to retreat when space becomes scarce. It is the maturity in the relationship that keeps away from the very step that love and hate share.
Signs of immature love
We are all hostage to the delusion thatlove is a storm of passion. Loud and humiliating clarification of relations with accusations, grievances and claims, and then the same rapid reconciliation with apologetic passionate sex, obsessive concealment of sins and promising vows. Love is very easy to disrupt by storms, as does the wind with sails, and if they are not removed during a storm, then the sailer will never reach its shores. So with the relationship: mature know how to behave during the coming storm, not mature - go to the bottom.
An immature feeling is always tormented by questions. Loves or does not like? Does it change or not? Does he give enough? In mature, RESPONSIBLE relations, answers to all doubts have already been laid. Because they are not. Harmonious couples do not require vows and promises from each other, and they do not need to hire detectives to find out that they do not seek love from love.
Immature love requires unconditional unity. "Immature" people like to think that they are inferior halves, and only after reuniting with their pair, they will find themselves. Mature love, uniting feelings, leaves partners whole and does not derebanize them for dependent deficiency. Therefore, they do not need to halve their identity in order to coincide in a single puzzle.
"Green" relations are suspended in a stateeternal expectation. Lovers always require total fullness of each other. They are afraid of emptiness and require every minute presence. Not physical, so virtual: calls, sms, online control. Spiritually and socially mature lovers are always filled with the presence of each other. They are not afraid to leave for a long time or even to leave in a pause. Their love has no chains.
Immature love is afraid of someone else's invasion. The desire to rule your partner encourages the couple to divide life into "before" and "after". They put love in a cage, hang locks and set boundaries, fearing that the "former" will want to regain their happiness, and the "future" will try to take it away. Love between mature people does not require locks and watchmen. When do not forcibly keep, go to other relationships do not want to.
Immature feelings quickly cool. "Love lives for three years," the young lovers think, and are afraid to let go of their hand, to open their arms, to get out from under the blanket. They revel in love to the point, to the mawkishness, to satiety. Mature partners are well aware that even delicacies can cause intoxication. Therefore, they enjoy dosing, and use separation to find a way to motivate developmental relationships.
Immature love tends to set deadlines. "Green" couples hurry up love and designate "ties" that they should hold it. They set the time, in which the legalization of relations is obliged to occur and prescribe a literally hourly schedule of cohabitation. Feelings of those who are in love with people are not subject to the statutes and do not require a regime. For love it's a prison. They know for sure that everything should have its time and relations naturally - without an onslaught and bureaucratic instructions. Then, when the two ripened.
In immature relationships, they do not forgive mistakes. Immature individuals tend to idealize love and relationships. They do not allow mistakes and do not allow to stumble. In all manifest maximalism: if love is to the grave, if faithfulness is swan! Adult relationships and mature personalities allow the love to grow from a superficial passion into a deep feeling that is ready for trials, compromises and knows how to distinguish betrayal from the inherently human weakness.
Monologue of mature love
"I want to agree with you immediately on important things. Mark me a place where my eyes should not get caught. Phone with calls, a computer with passwords, a notebook with secrets, a cabinet with "skeletons," a soul with pain? Point out the boundaries of your personal space. And not because you have secrets from me, but because I recognize the right of a person to have his own small state, which can only be accessed by invitation. I promise not to require a lifelong visa to visit and not establish my own orders. This is your space of personal independence, thoughts, feelings, experiences, past and future. I also ask you to respect my right to personal territory. Knock before entering, so that I'll meet you, not my "cockroaches".
If you suddenly change me, leave this revelationin the closet with the "skeletons". For what you do not know does not exist! This knowledge can hurt my soul, but how can I inspire you with a wounded soul? I promise to do everything to stay as interesting as possible for you, beautiful, intelligent, wise, affectionate, unpredictable and beloved! After all, your beloved woman has no rivals! I also want to ask you in advance for your forgiveness for your possible treason. I am not ideal! I'm just a woman ... Promise me to forgive, even if you never know. If I betray you with my body, it's not because I do not love you ... If suddenly I do not love you, you'll know about it first, and before I give my soul and body to another man.
I submit to you completely, for I trust youis boundless. But my obedience will never become a banal female reaction to someone else's attention to you from the outside. I will constantly act on the lead. I can not pass on to you the responsibility for what has dissolved into you and in your love without a trace, forgetting about self-esteem. I understand that it is impossible to love a woman who does not love herself. I will become exhausted myself in training for self-improvement, in fitness, in libraries and in cooking courses, if only to remain interesting to our relations. I will be demanding of myself ... and to you! I'll tell you honestly how I see your imperfection. I do not want to pretend that everything suits me, and then complain to my friends about something that you, perhaps, do not even suspect.
But if I suddenly do not have enough female wisdomto understand that I have ceased to be interesting to you, important, desired, loved, and you will leave to another before I understand this, do not worry, I will not manipulate you and our love. For me, true love is not when you ask God for a person to be yours, but when you pray to heaven that he just was and was happy! With or without you ... I'm ready to give you another, but only on the condition that you'll be happier with her than with me. But I will always remember that you can get love only by giving it away, losing it by holding it with a death grip, and to keep love you need to give it wings! "
