How to strengthen the will power and become the best version of yourself

Relying on his word, a person misses outmind that in fact resisting temptations is not so easy. In order to achieve the goal, it is necessary to know the methods proven by science, which will help to stay on course. It is about them that Professor Stanford Kelly McGonigall tells in his best-selling book "Willpower" (publishing house "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber").

Notice when you make a choice

What are the long-term objectives for you? Maybe you want to learn how to play the guitar, get a promotion at work or lose a few pounds? Whatever you want to come up with, something will interfere with you every day. Social networks, a vase with sweets, a TV, talkative colleagues - all this can take you away from the planned path. Be prepared for such obstacles.

As a rule, people act on autopilot and evenDo not realize that they make a choice in favor of momentary pleasures. Therefore, it is very important to learn to notice the moment when you are about to reach for sweets or open an e-mail. To begin with, just follow yourself. In what situations do you succumb to your desires? What do you experience? What do you think?

Pay attention to your impulses even before,how to fall. It can be like itching, for example you will feel anxiety, tension in the body and head before you look at the news feed. The very observation of your reactions will help you better manage your own behavior.

Meditate

To make it easier for you to notice the moment of choice,Avoid distractions and concentrate on the goal, try to meditate. According to neuroscientists, meditation makes us much more attentive, collected and calm. Surprisingly, those who under the supervision of scientists tried this method on themselves, there were serious changes in the brain: the gray matter in the zones responsible for self-control increased.

Here is one simple, but effective meditation,which will take very little time. Do it for five minutes every day. If you feel that you are ready for more, you can extend the time to ten or fifteen minutes.

1. 
   Sit on the chair so that the feet are fully touchedsex. Straighten your back, put your hands on your knees. Do not fidget. If suddenly you have a desire to scratch your nose or change the position of the body, pay attention to this impulse, but do not follow it. So you will learn to control your reactions instead of acting on autopilot.


2. 
   Close your eyes. Concentrate on breathing. Inhaling and exhaling, mentally say the words "inhale" and "exhale". If you think about something stranger, again, return yourself to the breath. Again and again. This will train your brain to focus on the target and not be distracted.


3. 
   After a few minutes stop mentallysay "breath" and "exhale". Pay attention to your sensations of breathing. Just feel how the air enters and exits through your nose, how the lungs are filled and released, how the stomach is inflated and blown away. If you are again disturbed by extraneous thoughts, repeat a couple of times to yourself "inhale" and "exhale."

Even if during meditation you will be constantlydistracted, it will still make you much more collected. In doing the exercise, you accustom your brain to notice when there is a deviation from the goal, and return to it.

Temper self-control gradually

We need exposure almost everywhere: at work, at home, while walking. Unfortunately, the stock of self-control is not unlimited. The scientists managed to find out that we have the best of ourselves in the morning, and by the evening we become much more weak-willed. We just get tired of controlling ourselves and we can break down if the pressure increases.

That's why you should not wear yourself out and trychange immediately all. If you simultaneously set yourself several difficult goals - to lose weight, break the exhausting relationship, write a novel, learn to dance salsa and resume communication with an old friend - then it is unlikely that you will be able to implement your plans. Your self-control will simply get tired, and you will completely lose your strength. So always try to choose for yourself only one test. Handle it - take care of the following.

However, self-control can be gradually strengthened,almost like muscles (just do not overdo it). To do this, select a single task and break it into smaller operations that you will perform within a few weeks. For example, you can not get out of the cluttered pantry. In the first week, just look at the mess, on the second - a little scatter all in their places, on the third - throw away unnecessary old stuff, on the fourth - arrange things more carefully and so on. Experiments have shown that such simple exercises make people more capable of self-control.

Another way to strengthen the will power is to startcontrol yourself in something not very complicated and significant. For example, if you constantly monitor your posture, take out garbage every day or limit the amount of sweets eaten, then you will train yourself for self-control in general and prepare yourself for more serious tests.

Beware of indulgences

Often, having achieved intermediate results,people believe that now you can reward yourself for good behavior. Month refrained from fatty food and went to the gym? It's time to spend the weekend eating donuts. You have been well yourself for thirty days. We dropped a couple of kilograms. You deserve this indulgence.

At the same time, we miss the most important: then, to what we aspire in reality. After all, your task is not to give up any harmful food for a while and sweat properly on the simulators. The real goal is to get back to normal. And the reward can only be the result itself. Do not forget about this when the next time mentally praise yourself for your first achievements.

Do not think about what you are doing as a "good"or "bad" behavior. Moral categories are completely out of place here. If you quit smoking because it's right, but you forgot about your main goal - your health - then chances are that you will start making concessions to yourself in a couple of months of abstinence. Try not to praise or criticize yourself at all, just move to the goal. And no rewards that distract you from the dream: do not pamper yourself with candy for having run through the stadium.

If the temptation is too great, consider whatreasons you need to refrain from indulging. Imagine how happy you are when you achieve your goals. Mentally bring your future self closer to you. This will help cool the momentary impulses in the present.

Do not give way to guilt

Little indulgence can not only make the way togoals more difficult and long, but also put your plans at risk. Scientists from the University of Toronto Janet Polivi and Peter Herman discovered the effect of "what the heck", because of which people who were dieting, returned to harmful eating habits.

The bottom line is this. The first indulgence can lead to regrets and new indulgences. Feeling guilty because of the eaten cake will make you think that all attempts to reform are hopeless. So if you have already broken the diet, then you are most likely upset and say: "Why the hell, since I can not keep the regime, I'll eat everything."

Experiments have shown that there is a simplethe way out of the vicious circle. Of course, you need to try to do without failures. But if you have already stumbled, stop worrying. Tell yourself: "Nothing, all people sometimes pamper themselves. The volitional trials are not the easiest thing, but I will do my best to prevent this from happening again. " Forgive yourself, get rid of excessive self-criticism. Scientists became convinced: this technique really helps to keep from new temptations.

Cut off the retreat paths

Imagine that there are two persons in your brain: one - judicious and thinking about the consequences, and the other - impulsive and inclined to succumb to temptations. So, until you are faced with temptations, the first person is able to organize everything in such a way that the second does not have a chance to arrange sabotage. Think about what exactly can disrupt your plans, remember your weaknesses and take precautions.

For example, remove all computer games so thatto be distracted from work. Buy a subscription to an expensive fitness club, if you often allow yourself to skip workouts. Order a healthy lunch before you get hungry. Do not take a bank card with you when you go to a shopping center (remove in advance exactly as much money as you allow yourself to spend). Put the alarm clock in the far corner of the room to get up with the first bell. All this will help you stay away from temptation and not turn off the intended path.

Watch out for the influence of others

Thanks to the mirror neurons that are in thebrain, we are able to understand what other people feel. Empathy is very important in our life, but in this system there is a catch. When others are inclined to the same weaknesses, from which we are trying to get rid of, we are tempted to succumb. One kind of friend, eating candy, is able to inspire a passionate desire to taste sweets and break our diet.

Watch your actions in the company. Try to notice who and under what circumstances you are copying. Does this interfere with your plans? Strengthen the ability to resist the influence of others. For this, every morning for several minutes, think about your goals and what can stop you.

In addition, you can use the effect"Infecting someone else's goal" for themselves for good. We are able to pick up not only weaknesses, but also self-control. Researchers argue that even thoughts about a strong-willed person automatically strengthen the restraint. So, faced with the temptation next time, think about someone whose willpower admires you.

Find like-minded people who also want to get rid of their weaknesses. Encourage each other, be interested in success. Such social support is very useful.

How does stress weaken our ability to self-control? Why can not you suppress thoughts of temptations? What role does full sleep play in combating bad habits? You can read about this in the book "Strength of will".