How to learn to say no
Kindness and responsiveness are indispensable attributesnoble personality. They increase the attractiveness of human qualities, make the owner a welcome companion of life for his "half" and a pleasant interlocutor for all other acquaintances.
Friendship and communication with a sympathetic good-natured - a dreamfor many people, including lazy people, egoists and other less sympathetic specimens. They will hardly appreciate the willingness to come to the aid of word and deed as a valuable gift. Positive traits of character will soon become an inexhaustible source of idleness, profit and other unfair preferences in unequal relations.
The softness of character was exploited in alltimes, and today it simply mercilessly gets to it. Sincere kindness can serve as an excuse for seemingly innocuous, and at the same time, not very convenient requests from relatives, friends or colleagues.
Especially sympathetic people probably know the wholethe range of such requests: starting from a purely business "Compose a report instead of me, if it does not make it difficult" or "Print a report on the way to the office, ok?" and ending with the household "Wash the dishes if not busy" or "Go to the store, ".
Full employment fulfillment of other people's requests is extremelyTired and capable of depressing to act on the most cheerful character. Especially if behind a sympathetic back there are laughs in the style of "Who is lucky - that and load". The lack of skills in defending one's position and shyness in refusing unwanted proposals further complicates the situation.
Psychologists (yes, the omnipresent and omniscientpsychologists) explain such communicative difficulties by different reasons. For example, the desire to be a part of society, group, society. Or lack of the desired communication. Or the desire to become a useful (and even irreplaceable) member of the collective, to which people will contact again and again.
Or the desire to be a generator of reliability andcenter of influence, or children's complexes, or early with unpopularity among peers, or the syndrome "I am the best!" and so on. The desire to be useful, necessary and popular is not at all bad - but if it takes precedence over one's own goals and common sense, it's time to take care of personal interests.
How to deal with requests that complicate our lives
"Magic Tablet" is not here, perhaps only attention to a few points:
1. It is necessary to understand your own desires and ask yourself the obvious question: "Why do you burden yourself with other people's concerns?" Do you really like the status of the wand-wand, or are you just afraid to refuse to offend or disappoint? From honest answers depends on the manner of behavior - do not dissemble before yourself.
2. A reliable way to get rid of other people's problems is to make a list of your own affairs and plans. Plan entertainment activities, proceeding solely from your own interests, and not in the name of the theatrical preferences of a friend. Go to the store not for the sake of a friend, but for personal shopping. Call a friend with a friend - and see their reaction to the very request and resentment in her incarnation. Very sobering, by the way.
3. A radical but effective measure will be the disconnection of all means of modern communication from one's exhausted personality. At least for one day. This creates a day full of freedom, which can not be overshadowed by anybody's requests and wishes. Conduct this man-made "day of silence" in a comfortable mode. Feel all the benefits of personal freedom, and see - how much you want to return to the former status of eternal readiness for other people's requests.
4. One of the mandatory conditions for getting rid of someone else's will is a direct conversation with constant petitioners. It should be extremely frank, regardless of the status of the parties. A close friend, a colleague of work, a relative, or a potential partner in life - talking frankly will be the best option for any of the named candidates.
Perhaps, the displeasure expressed by you will causethey have a sincere surprise. In most cases, "users" of your kind nature do not even suspect about the inconvenience. Worse, if they do not bother with such thoughts. The naive and selfish point of view is quite logical, since a person is often considered only with his own interests.
Cares about the rationality of usesolely of his time. He thinks about himself, his beloved, more simply. Transferring one's responsibilities to another person becomes a win-win behavior. Especially if on your side there are no attempts to resist polite selfishness.
The reason for failure is in the humannature, in the instincts of selfishness and desire to enjoy, in search of ways to facilitate the achievement of the goal and in an effort to be popular. You need to learn to show initiative and not go with the flow of emerging relationships. It is necessary to clearly restrict the interests of others from their own goals. A close person will understand, but a distant one ... is his opinion so important?
Author: Katerina Sergeenko
