How to save a family

When the marriage begins to crack at all seams, it is very difficult to put up with the idea that everything will end, and instead of "we" there will now be a separate "I" and "he" ("she"),. Even if in recent months (and even years)family life was a burden, many people will still strive to save the family. Why try to glue together what is in your eyes falling to pieces?

Usually, women are trying to save the family, andThe reasons for this are often not romantic, but the most mercantile nature. If a woman earns less than her husband or does not earn at all, after a divorce she will have to think about how to make a living. The prospect of being self-sufficient is frightening, and a woman seeks to preserve the family, so as not to be constrained in the material plan.

And if the family has a child (children), one or both parents will strive to keep the family for the sake of children. Here, of course, there is materialaspect - even with alimony and the help of a second parent to raise a child alone is more difficult. Well, the psychological side can not be forgotten: the divorce of parents is always a great stress for the child.

In both of these cases, the desire to preserve the familyit is understandable, but will the game cost a candle? Often such a preservation of the family is only external: the couple lives together, leads a common life, brings up common children, but feelings have long been gone. And this is at best, and at worst - the life together is filled with disagreements and conflicts. Perhaps, in this case it is not a question of preserving the family, but of convulsive clinging to visible well-being. A child contemplating cursing parents is unlikely to benefit.

So if you want to keep a family, think: why do you need this? If for the sake of material well-being and / orchildren, in many cases divorce will still be the best solution. It is better to disperse until you have had time to quarrel completely, at the same time to remain friends and help each other from time to time, than to maintain the illusion of family life and to hold up to that critical moment when the accumulated negative will explode. Delaying the inevitable break will only make it even more painful.

But if you want to keep a family for the sake of those feelings that were between you, if you really want to be next to your spouse, you can try to get everything back to square one. But keep in mind that In this case, joint efforts will be needed: for what happens in the relationship, both partners. When one of them tries to save the family, and the second seeks freedom from family life, nothing good will come of it.

If both of you are set up to save family relationships, you need to start sit down and talk. Families are not destroyed "from the bay-floundering," evenwhen the rupture seems sudden, in fact, it was brewing gradually - it's just not always around, and even the spouses notice it. Therefore, it is important to discuss with your partner what exactly does not suit you in your family life. Try to speak calmly, Do not sink to mutual reproaches and accusations.

When the problems are outlined, we need to look for ways to solve them. It is important to be ready to compromise: do not wait for your demands to be met, and you do not move a finger. In some way they will succumb to you, but at the same time you will concede something. And, naturally, having made promises, it is necessary to begin to fulfill them.

Try to leave all the quarrels in the past and forgive the partner: the crisis in relations is a kind of milestone, a turning point, after which a new stage begins. Instead of reproaching each other with past mistakes in moments of quarrels, draw conclusions from them and do not repeat old mistakes. Learn on your relationships to make them better.

Save a family is very real, if you initially do it not for yourself, but for you two: you must be moved by the desire to maintain a harmonious relationship with a partner, and not fear of loneliness or material problems.