We all know perfectly well that man is mortal. But still the death of one of our close people always becomes a shock for us, even if it was not unexpected. Recovering from such a loss is very difficult. How to survive the death of a loved one?
When a loved one dies, it seems that inlife will never be happy, your own future seems hopeless. And since in the modern world it is customary to "be strong", people often keep their sorrow with them, trying not to cry in public. But this only aggravates the situation. To survive the death of a loved one without serious mental trauma, you do not need to artificially restrain yourself beyond measure.
Grief after the loss of a loved one is divided into several clearly defined stages. To survive the death of a loved one, you need to go through all these stages: the only way you can learn how to manage yourgrief and keep mental health. If a person permanently "gets stuck" in one of the stages, this is a sign that something is wrong, and he should seek professional help.
The first stage (from a few hours to two weeks) is a stupor and a shock. A person can not yet believe in loss. The reaction can be different: a person can fall into a stupor, as if to become numb, or to set up a stormy activity, organizing a funeral and supporting the others. This does not mean that in the second case it is easier to experience death, he just did not realize it.
In this period it is important not to restrain yourself. Do not hold back tears, try to rushthe funeral process - let everything go its course. If you have the urge to go after the deceased, try not to remain alone, ask someone to stay with you. If you can not calm the cry, you can drink a soothing tincture.
After the funeral, a period of denial begins, which lasts for about forty days. We understand our loss with our mind, but ourhis subconscious mind refused to accept it. At this time people can hear the steps of the deceased, see him among passers-by is normal. Well, if during this period the deceased even dreams sometimes. The absence of dreams about the deceased, on the contrary, can be a sign of problems with the experience of grief. During this period, you can and should talk about the deceased. Tears are also good, unless you cry all day long.
Until half a year the period of acceptance of loss and residing of pain. At this time, the pain rolls wavy, thenreleasing, then intensifying. This is because we are trying to survive the death of a loved one and to cope with our grief, but it turns out with varying success.
In the middle of this period, about three months after death, sometimes there comes a "failure" caused by exhaustion of forces, a severe aggravation of pain. At this stage, feelings may appear unpleasant, but at the same time constructive:
feeling guilty (guilt for the fact that a loved one has died, but you have stayed and you can not change anything);
feeling of aggression towards the deceased (you are indignant because he left you);
feeling of aggression towards others (searching for the guilty, "transferring arrows" to doctors, the state, even to God).
All these feelings are normal, if they do not last for long! If they continue for a short time, theyhelp to survive the death of a loved one, but if they are delayed - you have a problem. Usually at this time the tears are already less, the deceased can continue to dream, but in a different way: in your dream you realize that he is dead and is not in this world.
Then the pain is relieved, and By the end of the first year after death, life is gradually returning to its channel. By this time a person is usually completelyaccepts that a loved one has died, acquires new acquaintances. The deceased is remembered as alive, and not as dead, these memories are pleasant. In this period it seems that you were able to completely cope with your grief.
But On the first anniversary of death, a new outburst of grief usually occurs. Since a person knows how to manage it, he no longerso strong. During this year, it is possible to go through all the stages anew, only in a softer, "erased" version. Normally by the end of the second year you have to fully accept the loss of a loved one. This does not mean that you will forget it - you simply learn to live without it and will remember it lightly.
So do not try to suppress your grief. Recovering from the death of a person close to you is not easy, but the best healer is time. Just let life go on and find people who will be ready to support you.