Divorce of parents through the eyes of a child

At different ages, the child's attitude toward the parents' divorce is different. In 2-3 months babies, of course, do not understand,what happens, but he already feels great changes in the family on an emotional level. After all, at this age, mom - his connection with the outside world, if she is nervous and worried - the child is also worried. And in pre-school and junior school age children even tend to take the blame for what is happening: "It's me that behaved badly, so my parents stopped loving and part with me."

But regardless of the age of the child, discord in the family can cause him psychological trauma, which in the future runs the risk of growing even inany deviations or pathologies. Moreover, it is important not the very legal act of divorce, but the psychological situation that reigns in a disintegrating family. Constant quarrels and conflicts, mutual accusations of parents - all this can not but affect the child. Therefore, it is better for him if the process of divorcing his parents is as short as possible.

If cause of divorce are some illegal actions of one of the parents, then there can hardly be a question of a peaceful partingand maintaining friendly relations in the future. But in other cases, for the sake of the child, it is worth trying to disperse in an amicable way, without mutual "mud smearing".

When parents are completely absorbed in the impending divorce, they rarely think about the feelings of the child during this period. But, if you are ready for the sake of the child to make some mutual compromises, then these recommendations will be useful to you.

If a quarrel occurred in front of the child, then it must have a decent resolution. First, so the child will not be hurt for any of the parents, and, secondly, you can show the child how to face the conflict with dignity.

The period of conflict tension in the family should be minimal. Often, the couple decides to keep the marriage "for the sake of the child." But mutual quarrels and quarrels do not stop. It is unlikely that a child will feel better from this.

Declare the child to divorce should both parents, and neither shifting the blame on each other, nortaking it upon yourself. Parents should try to explain to their child that they leave voluntarily, because they can not live together anymore. But it's better not to lie to a child, however small he is. Lies sooner or later will still float out and then the attitude of the child to the parents may not change for the better.

It is important that the child understands that Even if the parents no longer live together, they still love him, nothing changes. Therefore, as far as possible, changes in the life of the child should be minimal. It's good if the child continues to see both parents. For this, parents will have to calm their emotions and approach the issue of co-education of the child as a business relationship. To kid it is not desirable to participate in the material side divorce: a division of property, alimony.

It is extremely harmful for a child when parents begin to manipulate them for their own purposes during a divorce. You can not blacken the second parent in the eyes of a child, to attract him to one of the parties. Remember that looking at their parents, the child forms for himself a pattern of behavior in the future adulthood.

Parents need to try to get the school orkindergarten, mugs and sports sections remained in the child's life the same. Divorce parents and so for him a huge stress, you do not need to aggravate it even more.

The reaction of the child to divorce parents is ambiguous and individual. But psychologists distinguish conditionally three stages this reaction:

1. Rejection. In any sad or unpleasant event, one does not even want to believe, therefore a child can not react in any way for about 3-5 days. He tries to "digest" information and subconsciously strive to protect himself from a powerful blow.
2. Gradual acceptance of the situation. But sooner or later, there is acceptance of the fact of what happened. During this period, the child can behave unpredictably: show aggression, cry or even try to benefit by side with one of the parents.
3. The period of mourning. This stage of the reaction to divorce is the longest. It can drag on for 7-8 months, and maybe for years. During this period, the child tries to cope with stress, often closes in himself, loses interest in former studies and games.

After the divorce, the parents can marryrepeatedly. Then the child has a stepfather or stepmother, another family may have another child. During this period it is especially important to give the child maximum attention, to show sensitivity and caution.

Do not rush your child to accept your new husband, do not try to force him to replace his own father (or mother). Just Try to help the child and your new spouse build good friendships.