How to keep romance when children are born: 7 useful tips

Young parents are surprised at how muchworries and responsibilities on them piled on the first (and subsequent, too) days, months ... and years. To find a new place in this world, a couple - or rather, now a trio - takes time. Absolutely everyone admits that this magical event leaves an imprint on the relationship with the outside world. With the advent of the child in the family, radical changes occur that affect many aspects of life. And a romantic one as well. So how do you find balance and not let romance slip away? These tips will help you.

1. 
   Less control and tension
   

   
   Any book about babies blows: be consistent and predictable, routine is necessary for the child to feel confident, control everything that is possible. Of course, these recommendations can not be neglected. When the child is not yet born, we already rush to insure our lives, buy a more comfortable car and move to the best (that is the safest) district of the city where there is a kindergarten and a school nearby. This is necessary not only for children, but for us too. In the face of uncertainty, we strive to create a stable structure. But to some extent it is a catalyst for the disappearance of the romantic and sensual of the relationship.

   
   

   
   Try not to control everything around. Eros does not tolerate restrictions. When you have free time with your partner (let it be even 30 minutes), relax and enjoy the moment. Do not think about cleaning, scattered toys and unpaid bills. Allow yourself half an hour to stay in a magical world, created only for two.

   
   


2. 
   Make time for yourself
   

   
   Yes, it sounds strange given the fact that youTry to restore emotional connection with the spouse. But you absolutely must have a personal time to put yourself in order, read a book (at least a couple of pages!) And chat in social networks. By this you regain composure, the absence of which will inevitably affect the relationship with the other half. What kind of romance, when the head is not washed?

   
   


3. 
   Arrange an evening for two
   

   
   Wait puckering! This is not a banality, but an effective way to revitalize relations. Do you remember what was your first date? And those wonderful evenings that you spent together in the half-dark kitchen, tasting the excellent red wine? What about the delicious dishes that were prepared for each other? It's time to go back to the beginning and try again. The ideal option - go to a restaurant nearby. But you can stay at home: invite a nanny or ask relatives to look after their children. Spend the whole evening, focused on your sensual desires, plunge into your soul mate and try to remember - true, honestly and truly - the feeling of flight that you experienced when you first met. No problems and reproaches, only two happy people - this is the motto of the evening.

   
   


4. 
   Do not blame a partner
   

   
   Before the birth of a child, women are oftenare sure that after a couple of months they will return to the office, and the nanny will follow the child. But it was not there. Caring for children captures entirely. But it's not so easy: to feed-dress-walk-to put to sleep-to bathe-all this takes away strength. And at the same time you still need to get out of the house, make dinner, deal with receipts, iron your clothes and ideally - glue the fallen off wallpaper. And now a woman, loaded with these affairs, suddenly gets a little free time, and here the husband with his desires. On the reaction of the beautiful half of the union, you can not say anything - an atomic explosion and did not stand nearby. Stop! This is the error.

   
   

   
   Yes, women want to relax, but not to spendtime in entertainment. Even to look at the stars together with the spouse does not want to, not to mention everything else. Many people start to think that the wife needs "only one". But this is not so. Men say that they just want to be with their wife: beloved and sweet, with whom they decided to spend their entire life. And now, for some reason, there is not a minute left for them. Do not blame the partner for having one and only goal. Just try to understand that he wants warmth, caresses and tenderness. Next time, before "explode" and overthrow the flow of claims, take a deep breath - that's all. It happens that silence - or rather, offensive words that have not been said - helps to save the family.

   
   


5. 
   Sometimes forget the word "must"
   

   
   "We need to buy a children's mixture", "We need to pack tomorrowa child to sleep on time, "" You have to wash the sliders, "" You need to order new woolen socks "... With the advent of the baby, these" should "like it speeds up time and makes you constantly feel that not everything is done. But do not forget about your partner. Very often a woman becomes so attached to the role of the mother that she does not come out of it at all. That is, it does not come out at all. Never. Husband in confusion: he wants to chat, share something and just spend time with his wife. But it is not. There is a twisted woman mother.

   
   

   
   Postpone conversations and all "must" at least for a while. Otherwise, your lover will have the impression that he now leads the kindergarten, along with those with whom he used to go to the evening sessions at the cinema. Give both of them respite from their duties. This will benefit the relationship.

   
   


6. 
   Share responsibilities
   

   
   If you dump child care and household chores atone person (as a rule, this role goes to women), it's foolish to expect that by the evening he will be fresh, cheerful and ready for love joys. Make a schedule that will suit both: when and when responsible for washing, who ironing clothes, and who goes to the store for groceries. It is important to be able to compromise - this is exactly the true love and support of a partner. When you split the load in half, then with pleasure you will find that free time is at least a little, but it is more. And this time can be devoted to each other.

   
   

   
   And sometimes you can do a little more: give the second half a nap on the weekend, wash the dishes out of turn or, in the end, order food with home delivery.

   
   


7. 
   Learn the techniques of relaxation
   

   
   Children are happiness, blessing and miracle. But sometimes they become a catastrophe. As soon as a new member of the family appears, we realize with horror that we do not really manage anything and become terribly vulnerable. This is where the alarm comes in. It absorbs our energy and keeps in constant fear. Are the children okay? How can I check this? And maybe, on the way from school, a daughter caught a maniac? After these there is one more question: to save only for university or also for a psychotherapist?

   
   

   
   Learn to fight negative thoughts. There are many techniques and exercises that help to relax and drive away unnecessary anxiety. Of course, this does not mean that you do not have to worry at all. But it's important not to overdo it. What kind of romance can we talk about, if you can not even calm down for a second and switch your attention to a partner?

   
   

And one more tip. Wait a bit. Sooner or later, couples regain their worth. Learn the skills of taking care of children. They agree on all arranging schedules and division of labor at home and at work. They make time for themselves and even sometimes get enough sleep. The further, the more freedom. And now comes the time when young parents start to visit the gym and finish reading the magazine before the next issue was released. This is the time when again you can stay with a partner. Just remember why you chose this person, why they loved him. And romance will break into your life again!

Based on the materials of the book "Reproduction in captivity"