Our whole existence is permeated with feelings andemotions. But we "manage" with them differently: someone well "reads" and understands the emotions of other people, and someone even in their own plainly can not figure it out. About the first group of people usually say that they have a well developed emotional intellect.
This fashionable concept - emotional intelligence - came to us from the West. There the theory of emotional intelligence (emotional intelligence, EI) is extremely popular, despite the fact that it is criticized: they say, it's all known trivial truths, only told in other words.
By emotional intelligence means a group of abilities that allow a person to understand and understand both their own emotions and the emotions of others. People with a high level of emotional developmentintellect are able to control their emotional sphere. Their behavior is more flexible, which means that it is easier for them to achieve their goals by interacting with other people.
It is emotional intelligence that explains whysometimes it happens that after graduating from the university, the former students are making a career, while excellent students with a red diploma achieve almost nothing. IQ alone is not a guarantee of success. In life, we constantly have to interact with people, and often a key role is played by the understanding of emotions, because the human factor is not going anywhere.
Emotional intelligence includes four basic components (according to other studies - five). The first component is self-awareness. It consists in the ability to adequately assess your emotional state and the degree of influence of emotions on decision-making, an adequate assessment of one's own abilities.
The second component - self-control. Little to be aware of your emotions, you need to be able toto govern. Usually people who have a well-developed emotional intelligence are open and friendly to others. They try to see in everything the positive aspects, and in difficult situations they do not drop their hands, but try to find a solution. They have their own clear guidelines and a system of values.
The third component is empathy (emotional sensitivity), the ability to listen to the feelings of others, not to dwell on their own problems, but to understand others.
The fourth component is relationship skills (the ability to control the emotions of others). This may seem like a banal manipulation, buthere it is a little bit different. Developed emotional intelligence helps to "ignite" people with an idea. It also includes the ability to prevent the development of conflicts and to regulate the conflicts that have already occurred.
Sometimes as the fifth component separately isolated motivation, but, in principle, it can be attributed to the previous component.
Often people perceive emotional intelligence withtwo extreme positions. It is equated either to spinelessness (because people with a high level of EI are usually benevolent), or to the desire to manipulate others. But actually emotional intelligence just helps to find the golden mean between reason and feelings, do not let yourself act under the influence of emotions and not fall victim to other people's manipulation.
Is it possible to develop emotional intelligence? Different scientists think differently. In the opinion of one group, emotional intelligence is a stable ability, it is impossible to raise its level. You can only develop emotional competence (communication skills), but this is not the same thing. Another group believes that EI can be developed, because the brain's neural pathways develop a good half of a person's life.
Be that as it may, it can be reliably said that the emotional intelligence of a person is influenced both by biological (type of thinking and temperament) and social backgrounds, so that To improve your ability to understand and manage your own emotions and others' emotions, you can, there would be a desire.
You need to start with checking your level of emotional intelligence, for this there are a lot of tests. And then you can begin to improve. Start with awareness of one's own emotions. Trying to do something "in a fit of feelings," stop and think: do you really need it, or do you act under the influence of emotions?
Next stage - learn how to manage your emotions. In conflict situations, try not tobreak, make time to pause and get distracted. When making a decision, always ask yourself: and to what extent does my emotion affect my decision? This does not mean that you need to become an emotionless robot. Just try in important situations, first of all listen to the head, not the heart.
To learn how to "read" the emotions of other people, you need be able to listen. Communicating with a person, keep the ears on the vertex andfully engage in the conversation process. Do not hesitate to clarify and ask again what was meant (however, you should not abuse this too). Pay attention to sign language: sometimes he talks more about the true feelings of a man than his words.
Of course, emotional intelligence is not the key to success in all areas. But the ability to understand your own and others' emotions will greatly facilitate communication with others.