Emotional dependence

Everyone needs trust, recognition,sense of security, attention, support. These and many other feelings give us a friendly and loving relationship. The absence of such a relationship leaves a kind of emotional hole in the person's soul. When he finds a friend or soul mate, this emptiness is filled. Having received those pleasant feelings and emotions that he was deprived of for a long time, a person is afraid of losing them again. So emotional dependence can develop.

Emotional dependence is not necessarily a love affair and involves physical intimacy; you can be emotionally dependent on a friend or even a friend. Emotional dependence can arise between people of any gender, age, social status. At the first stages, it is difficult to distinguish from ordinary love or euphoria from the appearance of a new friend.

How to distinguish between emotional dependence and ordinary attachment? The attachment that exists in healthy relationships is constructive, while the emotional dependence is destructive and brings pain instead of the expected pleasant emotions.

There are three criteria that help distinguish emotional dependence from ordinary friendship and love. The first criterion is inequality. In a healthy relationship, a person receives aboutas much as it gives. And the emotionally dependent person gives much more than he receives in return; he is ready to sacrifice practically everything for the sake of someone to whom he is attached, and in return receives very little or nothing at all.

The second criterion - harm caused to mental and / or physical health. It can manifest in many ways: from neglecting one's own health (conscious or unconscious) to suit relationships to psychosomatic illnesses, mental disorders and even attempts at suicide.

The third criterion is impossibility to stop the relationship on your own. A person can perfectly realize that theserelations are destructive, that they harm him, but he continues to support them, hoping that eventually everything will change for the better.

Simply put, in any relationship should be present healthy selfishness: of course, you need to think about another person, hisdesires and needs, but one should not forget about oneself either. A person suffering from emotional dependence, gets used to putting the desires and needs of other people ahead of their own. That's just such selflessness is rarely judged on merit.

Typical satellites of emotional dependence - this is the fear of loneliness, low self-esteem,perfectionism, belittling one's own merits, the habit of assuming responsibility for the feelings and behavior of surrounding people, difficulties in making decisions, inability to ask for help in a difficult situation.

How to deal with emotional addiction? It is not easy to do this. A person with emotional dependence is accustomed to receiving emotions from the outside, he seems to substitute his own emotions and dreams with the emotions and dreams of other people. To get rid of emotional dependence, you need to love yourself. Yes, relationships make us happy, but they are not the only source of happiness. Moreover, an emotionally dependent person is rarely happy for real: he is content with a surrogate of happiness.

With emotional dependence, as with anythe other is not easy to handle alone. If you get rid of dependence on a particular person, this does not mean that you will not step on the same rake again: a person tends to repeat his own traumatic experience. therefore Do not be afraid to contact a specialist, which will teach you to appreciate and love yourself, to live your own dreams and create harmonious relationships in which each partner receives as much as he gives.