How to teach a child to be independent?

There are only two simple rules for parents who want to teach a child to be independent.

Rule one: "Teach a child to do everything yourself." This rule is of key importance. A child is born without any skills and abilities, only with unconditional reflexes. All skills he does not acquire by himself, but assimilates them when interacting with adults. The child learns what to do with this or that subject, watching how adults deal with this subject.

It is very important that the parent acts not only as a mentor, but also assistant child, participant in joint actions. The child needs an adult to cooperate with him in the business, help in a difficult moment, encourage and praise. Parents should try not to be angry at the child for broken cups and plates, spilled milk, a torn off button. The child is so upset by his failure, you do not need to reproach him, but it's better to calm him and invite him to try it next time.

Ability to add your own toys, clean up after yourself- an important aspect of the child's autonomy. If the child is taught to always carefully remove his toys, he will remember that maintaining order in the house is as natural and necessary as, for example, food. When all the things are in their places in the house, the dust is wiped and the dishes are washed, and during the cleaning process all members of the family participate, then the kid values ​​order, because the parents show that they also appreciate it.

Rule two: "Do not do what the child can do for the child." With tasks that are feasible for his age, the child can quite cope himself, if he wants it.

FROM up to three the kid is going through a particularly important period. For some two years, he makes a huge leap in development. The kid learns to do everything himself: to wear panties, tie cords, eat with a spoon, wash, etc. But not everything can work out for him. If at this stage the child "drops his hands", abandons attempts to independence, then later it will be even harder for him to get used to doing everything himself.

Can "pour oil on the fire" parents can. In a hurry, they they are ready to do for the baby something that he does not get, because it's faster,and neater. At the same time, between the cases, the parents say what a shy (slovenly, clumsy, lazy, etc.) is a child. Such parental behavior forms complexes in the child and can lead to a serious psychological problem.

Other extreme, in which the parents are thrown - this is the position"Do it yourself, you're already big!". But small children do not yet know how to be lazy, so, most likely, a child does not do something right not because he does not want to, but because he really can not cope with the task.

How to motivate the child to independence?

Can give the child the right to choose, but within. For example, to offer a baby is not "Do you want to put down your toys?", But "Do you want to lay down your toys now or after a walk?". The first option does not in fact offer any choice at all. After all, even if he refuses to remove toys, he will still be forced to do it. The child is perplexed, but why then they asked? At the same time, you can see that the second option involves cleaning the toys in any case, but the kid himself can decide when it is more convenient for him to do it. So the kid feels that his opinion is important, his desire matters.

To teach a child to be independent, it is importantgive him to realize that any action entails consequences, and what they will be depends on him. Therefore, do not rush to tear a straw out of the hands of a child, when he tries to eat it with soup or porridge. The kid himself will understand that this is uncomfortable and tedious. Acting independently, the child learns not to be afraid of mistakes.

If the child has something until you can do it yourself, then you do not need to get upset. The kid can throw shoes, which "do not want to" dress, bite their clothes and scream. Parents need to teach the baby to ask for help correctly, for example, with the phrase: "Help me please!". But, do not immediately rush to do everything for the child. First you need to give him a chance to cope on his own, only slightly pushing him to action. For example, you can show the baby how to match the buttons with the eyelets, fasten one, and the next - to offer to fasten the child yourself. The child's effort must be praised.

Shouts, spanking, appealing to conscience on the child, when parents try to teach him to independence, practically never help. Accustoming the child to independence, it is important to be consistent and calm. Self-confidence and patience of parents are mandatory help the child learn all the necessary skills.