How to forgive treason

In one of our articles we wrote how to survivetreason. But "surviving" and "forgiving" are things of a different order. You can cope with stress and depression, convince yourself that you have started life anew, but If in the depths of your soul there is still a grudge against the traitor, you will never be able to let go of this situation for real: sooner or later the hidden insult will come out.

Of course, forgiving treason is not easy, but is it easier to live with a constant load at heart? How easily you will be forgiven will depend on what kind of relationship you plan to maintain with a person. If you decide that after his betrayal you do not likethe way, forgiveness can be given easier, because each of you after this will begin his own life, in which you can only be friends. If you want to start all over again and try to be together, forgiving betrayal will not be so easy. But perhaps the effort is worth it.

How to forgive treason? To begin with, try to put yourself in the place of a traitor. Why did he change you? If it was a single treason, say, after a family quarrel, and even a drunken head, and then he himself came with the guilt, the wisest decision would be to close his eyes to this situation: each of us has the right to make a mistake. At least one single.

Of course, this is difficult, because such a situation in theIn any case, it will undermine your trust in your loved one. But do not dwell on it, because it will turn out like in the parable about the two monks, one of whom transferred a young and beautiful woman across the stream, and the second after a while rebuked him for it. And then the first monk answered him: "I transferred it and left it by the brook, you are carrying it up to now." Do not go back to the situation that is hurting you, so you just make yourself worse.

If the betrayal was more ... let's say, global, conscious and planned, just so forgive treason and start all over again will not work. So take a break, part with the traitor, but for now temporarily. Try to avoid contact with him for a month or two.

This is done with two purposes. At first, you have the opportunity to "cool down" and understand whether you need a relationship with this person, or after the betrayal of "love passed, wiltedtomatoes. " In parting, you will understand if you still have feelings, do you miss. And your decision - to forgive or not to forgive - will be taken exclusively by you, without any influence on his part.

Secondly, during the parting time, you will be able to look at how the person who changed you will behave. If he carelessly goes into a spree, as ifnothing happened, maybe he is not worthy of your forgiveness. But if you see that he feels remorse, tries to make amends and get your forgiveness, perhaps everything is not lost.

While you are alone, try to understand the situation. Do not need to lock yourself up or vice versa - go into a noisy spree. It is unlikely that one of these extremes will help. One way to clarify the situation and forgive a person is to write a letter to him,. Do not be afraid, you do not need to send or show them to the addressee. Just as soon as you are once again experiencing feelings and memories, sit down and fix them on paper.

Why in writing? First, if you will time after timescrolling everything in my head, nowhere these thoughts will not go away, but they will constantly persecute you. Secondly, the written fixation of their feelings helps them to structure and look at them from the outside, and this is important in order to move on.

Actually, your best assistant in such a difficult life situation is time. Do not force yourself to forgive treason, thisit's like trying not to think about the pink elephant. Just live your life, and in time you will understand if you want to forever forget this person and move on, or are ready to forgive him and start all over again.