Is it possible to say "can not"?

Japanese style

As you know, under 5 years in Japan with a childthey are treated "like a king", that is, everything is allowed to him, and neither parents nor other adults have the right to make comments. Russian parents are gradually arming themselves with this experience, arguing their position as follows. First, prohibitions deprive the child of the right to self-expression, take away such a delightful component of childhood as freedom.

Secondly, stubbornness and self-will is a manifestationstrong character, in the future such a child will be able to stand up for himself, will be enterprising and purposeful. Well, the last argument (however, very significant), in spite of the fact that all the Karapuz people are allowed, people from them grow disciplined, hardworking, in general, positive in all senses.

What happens if you implement the systempermissiveness in practice? You will get a son or daughter for whom there are no authorities who do not understand and do not see boundaries. Any desire should be fulfilled, and if this does not happen, hysterics, demands and threats begin. Huge difficulties arise in such children, when they enter a kindergarten or school with their rigid framework or norms. As a rule, from "Russian Japanese" are obtained either notorious hooligans, or quiet and hammered by the system of personality (where independence and manifestation of will go).

It is impossible and necessary

Outstanding Russian teacher A.S. Makarenko wrote that "A child at a young age should obey his parents implicitly, for if he is disobedient now, he will completely lose obedience in 6-8 years." He insisted that the younger the child, the more he needed parental instruction, that the notion of discipline and the ability to obey is the cornerstone of the formation of personality. With this approach, "it is possible", "impossible" and "necessary" - these are the basic concepts that even a one-year-old baby can distinguish.

All would be nothing if the ratios of these threecomponents were equal if the discipline did not turn into cruelty. Quite often it is impossible - a word that a little person hears most often. He can not shout, loudly talk, laugh, ask something, run ... want to add, breathe ... The result also does not justify the expectation: instead of disciplined we get weak-willed or downtrodden.

Looking for a compromise

The golden mean is the ideal. It is this approach that the psychologist YB does in his books. Gippenreiter. She insists on bans, but suggests making them flexible. To make it easier for parents to enter "color" zones: green - what you can; yellow - a zone of relative freedom (you can, but ...); orange - can not, but, as a last resort, allowed; red - you can not. If your child clearly knows the boundaries of these zones, then by the way you can not use it rarely. By the way, if you really do not like the word itself, or you are considered that this combination of sounds spoils the child's psyche - replace it with another. Many people use "dangerous".

What "can not" be accurately refused?

Very often bans come from our childhood,maybe you should reconsider your attitude towards them? For example: you can not scream. But as a child (especially if he does not speak) express himself and throw out the accumulated energy. Formulate differently: in public places you can not shout, you can interfere with other people, but when we come to the site or to the park - please.

You can not be greedy! But wait, why do you deprive the baby of the right to property. It is unlikely that you will give an unfamiliar woman their new shoes, even if she asks them.

You can not fight! The task of parents is not to impose a ban, but to explain that you can not start a fight, you can not beat those who are weaker. Stand for oneself is a natural instinct.

Try not to remember everything, suddenly some of them have become obsolete long ago?