Is it easy to be a teenager's parent?

Someone remembers his "stormy" youth, someoneheard about the horrors of the transition years from friends and acquaintances, but almost everyone knows - it's so easy for a teenager to cope. He snaps at all questions, ignores requests, screams, threatens, lazy, lives with a bad company. Just a real nightmare, not a child! Why does this happen? Why suddenly from a certain age parents and children go out on the "warpath"?

Years from 11-12 in the child's body occurnatural biological changes - the period of puberty begins. And this inevitably entails and psychological changes. The child tries to get used to new sensations, experiences, a new social role. At this age, children are more and more awakened by the desire to quickly become adults, independent. They want to choose their own clothes and activities, the company.

But often teenagers notice only the externalside of "adulthood": drinking, smoking, sex. This is something that can be grown up and not for children. But teenagers are not at all inclined to take responsibility for their actions. Hence the first contradiction arises: the discrepancy between the physical and physiological sensation of "adulthood" and the real position of the adolescent. After all, while he is still on the rights of a child and can not be fully adult, so he can only seem so.

Another contradiction arises as a result ofbehavior of parents or other adults. They then tell the teenager that he is already an adult, when it comes to his duties, then they shout that he is still too small when it comes to his rights. That is, a teenager is considered an adult, then a child, depending only on what is currently beneficial for parents. This gives rise in the teenager's desire to rebel, he considers himself unfairly offended and, at times, not without reason.

Conflicts are unavoidable: I want too much, I do not want, I will not, I can not, I overlap. It remains only to reduce these conflicts to a minimum, to learn how to find a constructive solution to each problem. For example, the parents of one teenager struggled to get him to learn well. But nothing helped. Constant scandals, quarrels and did not force the teenager to catch up in studies. And only in cooperation with a qualified psychologist the family managed to find out the true cause of their conflict. It turned out that the teenager "rebelled" not so much against learning as against authoritarian methods of parents' influence: he considered this violence over himself. When parents and a teenager found a "common language" and began to listen more to each other, then with the progress of the teenager everything got better.

Often teenagers dress in a "rough skin". They emphasize cynically and rudely talking, show their parents "I", do not recognize "calf tenderness". But in the soul at the same time they remain all the same vulnerable, with a huge desire for love and attention. Even if a teenager screams to his parents: "I hate you!" - this does not mean that he really thinks so. Teenagers and maximalism - it's almost the same thing ...

Behind a heap of problems, behind constant quarrels it is importantnot to miss the main thing: your baby has grown. He needs independence, in his own life experience, in his (and only his!) Mistakes. But even more, he needs your understanding, patience and support. Good luck to you in this hard work - to be a teenager's parent!