Teenage crisis closes a series of crises in the development of the child. It is the longest and often the most difficult for parents, because a teenager is harder to control than a one-year-old kid, a three-year-old or a first-grader.
The adolescent crisis can start in a differentage. Although it is sometimes called the "crisis of 14 years", it does not necessarily begin when your child turns 14. Girls usually have a teenage crisis of 11-16 years, boys - a little later, 12-18. Framework of adolescent crisis are individual for each child, therefore it is impossible to accurately predict its beginning and end.
Usually, the later the adolescent crisis manifests itself,the more violent it is. However, if your child behaves perfectly during the entire adolescence - this is an occasion to reflect. If a child has no teenage crisis at all or is very weak, this is not entirely normal. Any crisis is a natural stage in the development of the child. If the teenage crisis is not present, the child can grow up infantile.
The adolescent crisis is a transitional stage between childhood and adulthood, so aspiration to independence at this time is expressed particularly clearly. All his life the child was connected with parents, depended on them and obeyed them. Now he tries to cut off this connection in order to prove his adulthood. Unwillingness to break this connection from parents can lead to conflicts.
The adolescent crisis, among other factors, is aggravated by the puberty of the child. In addition to psychological mechanisms, physiological ones come into play. As they say - "hormones rage". A teenager can become both unbalanced and impulsive, and apathetic and quickly tired. The changes that occur with the adolescent (both internal and external), the first not quite conscious sex drive - all this disturbs the child, makes him worry and can cause teenage complexes.
The adolescent crisis usually manifests itself more violently than other crises. The possibilities of a small child in terms ofself-expression and self-affirmation are more limited - yes, he will be capricious, but at least - in your sight. A teenager may become confined to himself or vice versa - to clash with you openly, and in more severe cases, a teenage crisis can be accompanied by smoking, drinking alcohol, demonstrative leaving home or even attempting suicide.
Of course, not always manifestations of transitional age are so critical, but increased conflict, mood swings, fatigue, depression, lies, unmotivated aggression, often accompanying the adolescent crisis, can be a problem for parents.
The adolescent crisis consists of three main stages. During precritical stage a child tries to abandon old habits and destroy common stereotypes - so far, timidly and cautiously. Culmination stage the teenage crisis is more violent -a teenager can "throw" anything, and his behavior is difficult to predict. The course of this stage depends on the atmosphere in the family - the healthier it is, the less such "tricks" will be. During postcritical stage the child develops new vital values and a stable life position, he begins to build new relationships with people.
What if your child has a teenage crisis? How to behave properly in order to smooth out conflicts and maintain good relations with the child? Firstly take up patience. Of course, when your teenage child screams andHamit, the first desire - to yell at him in response. But in this case the conflict will roll like a snowball, and it will be hard to stop it. A vicious circle - aggression leads exclusively to retaliatory aggression.
Try to "loosen the leash," on which you held your child, and provide him with reasonable independence. A teenager wants to be treated as an adult. Try to give it to him - consult the child on everyday matters, give him the opportunity to take part in the discussion of family problems.
If a teenager insistently demands something, do not prohibit an ultimatum. Discuss these requirements with him, how absurd and impudent they would be to youseemed, and try to come to an agreement. Maybe this will not happen the first time, but even not very successful negotiations are better than another conflict with the slamming of the doors.
If a teenager wants to share something with you - do not brush it off, even if his problems seem ridiculous to you. Having lost the child's confidence, it is very difficult to find it again - adolescents often become isolated in themselves. Give advice to a teenager, but in no case do not demand his unconditional fulfillment - let him decide himself. It can fill a couple of cones, but it's even useful.
During quarrels a teenager can tell you mucks - up to "It would be better if you did not give birth to me." It is unpleasant and insulting, but remember that in fact, the teenager does not think so. Try to treat such phrases as calmly as possible, do not remember their child after reconciliation and during the following conflicts.
Despite the external "prickle" and alienation, during the teenage crisis you really need a child. Need your support, your love, yourunderstanding, your unobtrusive advice. In adolescence, the child tries on new social roles, tries himself in a new capacity. Do this and you - from the parent-hen, turn into a parent-adviser. Do not break the connection with the child - but change it according to the age of the child will have to.
The adolescent crisis is a difficult time for the child and for the parents, but its negative manifestations can and should be mitigated.