How to find out the relationship correctly

Probably, many people know the saying "Lovely people are being scolded - they just play." Psychologists believe that periodic quarrels not only do not harm relations, but even have a positive effect. However, quarrels need to be able to correctly: ideally, after a quarrel, both partners are not simply reconciled, but also draw conclusions to prevent similar situations in the future. Therefore, you need to learn how to find out the relationship correctly.

A quarrel is always a victory of emotions over the mind. But anyway You can not allow emotions to take over you. In the heat of quarrel we are able to talk unpleasantthings that we really do not think about. So try to control your words and not say what you can regret later. If you really need to somehow throw out your emotions, it's better to break a cup or a plate.

Also during a fight you can not go to the person and hang on the partner labels, call it. Evaluate not the personality of a partner, but his actions. Say, instead of calling him mother, it's better to say: "I hate that your mother's opinion is always more important for you than mine" or something like that.

At all, to find out a relationship does not mean insulting. Even if the conversation is on high tones,you can not forget that now you are talking with your loved one who does not deserve insults on your part. You can be angry with him at the moment, but do not stop to love him, do you? So do not bend the stick.

Is there some more a couple of "prohibited methods," which in no case can not be used, if you want to find out the relationship correctly. First, never use information against a partner, which he shared with you frankly, showing confidence. Secondly, remember that a quarrel is only between you two: you do not need to weave this to other people, talk nastily about the relatives and friends of your partner.

It is necessary to clarify relations constructively. Often, the clarification of relations develops according tothe following scheme: poali - reconciled - did not draw any conclusions and again stepped on the same rake. The clarification of relations is necessary not only and not so much to throw out the negative. It is very important to determine the cause of the quarrel and to resolve the conflict that has arisen.

To do this, you need not just tell your partner everything that does not suit you, but also offer the desired solutions to the problem. Discuss everything and decide which options will suit both of you. Be prepared for the fact that you have to compromise: in some way you will concede, your partner will give in something, and as a result you will stop on the variant most acceptable for both of you.

Better yet, of course, do not bring this conflict to the fore. Most quarrels occur because partners are afraid or do not know how to talk to each other about what they do not like. They are silent, afraid of offending a partner, but over time, irritation accumulates, and a scandal erupts. But do you really think that in a calm tone the stated claim will offend the partner more than a loud scandal?

Another iron rule of clarifying relations: you can never find out the relationship in the environmentother people, acquaintances or strangers - it does not matter. Agree that you will not quarrel at a party, in public places, etc. Get home, and already there swear, how much your heart desires. By the way, perhaps by this time you will have time to cool down and be able to find out the relationship calmly. Also, do not quarrel in bed and in a state of intoxication - nothing constructive in such quarrels.

So, the two main rules for finding out the relationship: do not be afraid to do it and keep yourself in hand. But even better learn to calmly discuss with a partner all that worries you / does not suit, and then before the clarification of relations and debriefing the matter simply will not come. Remember, mutual understanding and mutual respect are the best friends of a strong relationship.